Dotty,

I have a problem, but that probably doesn't really come as a shock to you. You probably think I'm just another loser. I think once you hear my dilemma you will think differently. First I should clarify that I'm a dude. On the outside my life is pretty rockin'. I'm attractive, fun, atheletic and I beat Halo in record time. My problem is the fact that I'm pushing thirty and the girls I go after don't know how to handle that. For instance, tak the girl I met in spin class last week. I was putin out vibes. I made sure to impress her with my spin skillz so that after class she would come and talk to me. Class ended. Two minutes went by, then five and then ten. Finally after that I went up and interrupted her conversation so I could talk to her. You know what happened? She brushed me off. She said hello and nothing else. I'm getting a little depressed because none of the girls I go for are feeling the same about me. Am I attracted to the wrong type of girls? I mean, I like them young, like 19 or 20, but that isn't a problem. Once they reach their early to mid-twenties they are just too old for me. Maybe the girl from spin class was too immature. I found out she was only 18, so maybe I should wait until she matures a little. What do you think? Am I lookin' in all the wrong places?

Love,
Spinner

Spinner,

So you're attractive, fun, athLetic, and a nerd ( sorry, Halo doesn't exactly add to your list of admirable qualities) but obviously you aren't very smert. Sorry, I mean smart. Either someone misled you your whole life and told you that the letter "z" can stand in place of "s" at the end of a word or you neglected to use spell check. If you can do as many push ups as you can make spelling errors, then I don't doubt the level of your athleticism. Now that I've just begun to humiliate you, I think it is time to move on to your other dilemma. Let me just start off by saying that... I hate boys like you. You have the Peter Pan syndrome. You're getting older and older, but you act younger and younger. News flash... girls don't want to date someone that is closer to their dads' age than hers. Sick, sick, sick. Do you realize how screwed up you are? You keep getting older, but the girls you go after get younger. What would have happened if that 18 year old child had said yes? Would you have dated her for two years and then dumped her because she was over the hill? You said something about that girl being immature, but I think you're wrong. She wasn't being immature at all. She was probably just listening to the advice her parents gave her when she was in elementary school about not talking to old, creepy strangers who like to hit on unsuspecting girls. Young girls don't look at you and see a drop dead gorgeous man that makes their heart skip a beat. They probably see a semi decent looking man with a receding hair line and wrinkles. If their heart races, then it is more out of fear than awe. So in answer to your question, yes. Something is wrong with you. You're a creeper. Not only that, but you have offended every woman over the age of 21. Nuts and bolts... you're screwed.

Dotty

P.S. You're wrong about something else... I don't think you're a loser. I think you're a pathetic, creepy loser.