Well folks... here is a rare occurrence. A sappy girl who is in love with a clueless boy wrote in about the unfairness of unrequited love. Girl gets makeover, boy acts weird (whats new?), girl eats three king sized Snickers bars and cries herself to sleep. Then out of the blue I get another letter from a clueless boy who is confused about his feelings for his quiet/supportive/dependable best friend (oh, I should mention his friend is a girl). Friend gets makeover, boy acts weird (surprise surprise), boy can't eat, boy can't sleep. The End. Or is it? This sounded strange...and trust me, I know strange. After doing a little digging...okay, I just e-mailed them. There was no heavy labor involved. Anyway, it was determined that the sappy girl from the first letter was the dependable best friend from the other and the clueless boy is one in the same. A couple e-mails later and voila...

Dear Dotty,

Once upon a time there was a girl (okay, I'm the girl). She was semi decent looking, average height and mediocre hair. This girl is in love with this boy. He is Uh.Maze.Ing. When he smiles the whole room lights up. He has amazing hair, eyes, nose, laugh, eye crinkles, sense of humor and so much more. Like for reals. The list could go on and on. Now lets cut to the chase. We have been friends forever. That's right, the dreaded BFF status. Barf. We were fishing buddies when we were 7. He helped me learn how to swim and ride a bike. We had the same teachers throughout high school. He came to me when he got his first girlfriend and his second...and third...and fourth. I went to him when.... well, never. Because I've never had a boyfriend. I have always been holding out some hope that he would wake up and realize he is in love with me. My friend and I had this crazy idea to do a major makeover. Hair, clothes, makeup...the works. Dotty, I felt amazing and like I was finally worthy enough to stand next to him. When it came time for the big reveal I was so excited. I had it all planned out. We would meet up for lunch and I would make this dramatic entrance like in the movies. My hair would be blowing in the wind, a magical spotlight would suddenly follow me as I walk. Everyone would be staring at me. Well, it didn't turn out like that. I walked in and he was in the bathroom. On his way out of the bathroom he got stopped by one of the waitresses because she wanted to flirt with him. I was so distracted that I spilled soda all over my shirt. I could still salvage this though, right? Wrong. When he got there he said nothing. Let me repeat that...NOTHING. It wasn't one of those stunned silences though. It was like he didn't even notice. Needless to say, I was not a happy camper. I went home and emptied a bottle of cheese wiz into my mouth and then fell asleep watching reruns of Judge Judy. What is even worse is how he has been acting. He gets all quiet, he won't look me in the eye and his eyes never crinkle anymore. I don't know what to do. Should I just give up? Should I do a make under? Help...please.
Love,
Made Over Molly

Oh it is just so so sad isn't it? First of all, if a person lowers themselves to eating cheese wiz straight out of the can, then there are some serious depression issues. Whipped cream...okay. Chocolate syrup...borderline. Cheese wiz...a complete and hopeless breakdown. The only thing that could possibly make it worse is to add Judge Judy to the mix. I was just about to tell her this (while also asking her what exactly an "eye crinkle" is) when I found this...

Dear Dotty,

I feel kind of weird doing this because I think it is slightly chicky (not that that is a bad thing), but my best friend just loves you, so I figured I would give it a shot. I'm actually writing about my best friend. You see... things have been different lately. We have been so close for as long as I can remember. We grew up together, played together, swam together. We even toilet papered our Principal's house once. She has always been there for me and I hope that in some way I've always been there for her. I always thought she was cute. She has the most unique green eyes, she always smells like a cookie and her nose scrunches when she laughs really hard. I know she does that whole girl thing where she thinks she is awkward or ugly, but it just isn't true. Anyway, things were good. We were best friends, always meant to be best friends...and that was it. But then one day we met up for lunch. She got to the restaurant when I was in the bathroom. I saw her right when I walked out and it was like someone had punched me in the gut. I actually did kind of double over because it felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. Can you believe the waitress actually asked if I needed assistance to the bathroom? I should have just turned around then, but I didn't want to look like a jerk by walking away and ignoring her. So what do I do? I sit down...and ignore her. Awesome. I didn't know what to say. She was beautiful. Scratch that...she IS beautiful. Dotty, I don't know what to do. It has been a few weeks now and I still get all tongue tied around her. I can't eat or sleep. I'm kind of in love with her, but I think if she found out she would drop me like a bad habit. So...what do I do?
Sincerely,
Friend

Dear M.O.M and Friend,

Yes... I'm writing the both of you. After I finished puking up sugar sweet love vomit, I put on my detective hat and got to crackin' this mystery o' love. It didn't take long to determine that you two are talking about each other. Oh sigh... isn't that just precious? It is like destiny...or something silly like that. So...here is my advice. M.O.M, isn't it funny that sometimes how we see ourselves is completely different from how other people see us? You thought you were awkward and average, but he saw something else. You need to be confident in yourself. Girls are just stupid like that though. Don't worry, it happens to the best of us. Friend, your biggest problem is that you are a boy (and if we talked to the waitress, apparently a little gassy). You also have an eye crinkle, which I'm still not sure if it is a good or bad thing. Boys have the tendency to get confused pretty easily. One day she is your best friend and that is it. Then the next day you wake up and you want to kiss her..and kiss her good. Now the rest is really up to you guys. Talking would be good...followed by a little hugging...then some kissing...then some DTRing...then a little more kissing. You're welcome.
Love,
Dotty
P.S. Invite me to the wedding.