Dotty,

I think I kind of like this boy. It is still a new development, so I'm not positive. You see... there are a couple things about him that seem a little iffy. I haven't met a boy I might like in quite awhile, so I don't know if I should just overlook those hang ups of his. He curses like a sailor, makes inappropriate comments, has fascination with Hello Kitty and talks about girls like they are items at a buffet. It has always bugged me when people swear like it is no big deal. That dumb cat has always scared me and when dudes talk about girls they just sound desparate. I'm not sure if I'm overreacting or if I really should be concerned. Maybe I'm just picky... I mean everyone has their quirks, right? Basically, I want to know if I should pursue this or just move on. I need your wisdom, Dotty.

Too Picky

Listen, Picky. You can pick your nose and you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your friends nose. I know... that doesn't make sense yet, but it will. I've always been told to trust your gut instinct. The fact that A) You even wrote me and B) you used words like "kind of", "I think", "maybe" and "not positive" should be good indications that you aren't catching what Kitty is throwing. Personally, I don't even see why you wrote me. The Hello Kitty thing should have been your first giant, flashing, neon sign. Grown men should not like kitties. Grown men should not like cartoons about kitties. Grown men shouldn't like cartoons. Does he not realize that his "manhood points" just went down greatly. In fact, what little points he did have are now nonexistent. Actually, they are in the negatives. He just totally hosed himself. If that didn't completely shoot his chances to the ground then the constant talk of ladies really screwed him over. One way to NOT impress a girl is to talk about other girls. Especially since the girls dudes choose to talk about are 5'7, big chested, super model blondes with designer clothes and little puppies in their purses. Wow... if that is the case then someone might as well kick me in the ovaries because I ain't got a chance. I can maybe reach 5'5 if I wear heels, I get my clothes off the clearance rack, I hate dogs and I won't even touch the big chest part. Lets just say that without padded bras I would resemble a young boy. Honestly though... this guy makes me feel ill. He sounds awkward, obnoxious, desperate and disrespectful. Do you really want to hang out with someone like that let alone kiss him? Especially since he probably would put on Hello Kitty fruity tutti chap stick to prep for kissing you. Really? You want that? I think not. Don't feel embarrassed. We all make mistakes at times. It is what keeps us humble. Sometimes we like boys we definitely shouldn't. If it makes you feel better I could tell you about my short love for the man who ran the ferris wheel at the carnival. Yep, I fell in love with a carnie. Don't judge me. I was young and his gummy smile was very intriguing. So... drop this dude and move on.

Dotty

P.S. I forgot to address the nose picking comment. Basically... I just wanted to say it. The part I wanted you to focus on was the picking your friends part. You have the choice to hang out with you want to hang out with. So... the only reason you would keep being around this guy is if you chose to do it. I also think you should avoid picking anyones nose, but that is just a side note. The End.

Dear Dotty,

I've had extremely rotten luck when it comes to dates. I have great friends who happen to think that I need a boyfriend. Hey, I'm not complaining if that happened, but they seem to personally take it upon themselves to find me "that guy". So my great friends set me up on countless numbers of not so great blind dates. This last one was no exception. I told myself that if it was awful that I would never again go on a blind date. That being said, I did go in with the best attitude I could muster up. It was in vain. He was so pushy. He cracked a number of "women" driver jokes, talked about his love of working out (sometimes two times a day...oh boy!), and we can't forget his love of Pokemon. Yes, you read that right. That creepy Asian inspired cult thing. He dedicates hours and hours to the "sport" and is in intensive training. Oh and we can't forget the fact that apparently he was embarrassed being around ME. For what exactly, I'm not sure. Needless to say... it was awful. I'm left wondering if I should just swear off all help from my friends or keep at it? I don't know if swearing off all blind dates is too drastic or not. Could it be that one day I do meet someone through a blind date and it doesn't make me hate my life?

The Blind Dater

Hmmm... so either your friends don't know you at all or secretly they are out to sabotage your happiness and well-being. This guys sounds like a complete goon. He sleeps with a Jiggly Puff night light (don't ask me how I know the name of an actual Pokemon, let's just say... I have a past) and YOU embarrass him. Wow. First off, everyone knows that Pokemon is for the Chess Club rejects. He has probably been harboring some deep bitterness in his heart for years now and being a complete weirdo is his outlet. Let me guess, he also lives in his parents basement with a pet gerbil named Frances and he has every edition of the Spiderman comics. I think we need to take into account that 96% of blind dates all end up being the worst experience of a daters' life. Don't challenge where I got that statistic because I made it up. But I'm pretty sure if you wanted a legit percent it would be pretty close if not higher than the one I gave. Seriously, the worst day of my life was a blind date. Let's just say it involved a Dungeons and Dragons party, me dressed up as a dragon and being "stabbed" with an impromptu sword made from a metal hanger. Yep. I don't know what was worse. Enduring the 5 hours of dress up and medieval nonsense or the idea that one of my closest friends thought we would "just be two peas in a pod". Oh barf. We will tackle my woes later though. As for you, I don't think you should give up completely. Just pick better friends. Okay, I'm not serious. I do think you should shun them for at least a month for this though. I think the best thing I can say right now is to not spend all of your time waiting. Sometimes we get something we want when we are not really thinking about it. Now, don't become some loser freak who spends all her time watching reruns of Hannah Montana (been there) and eating all the cookie dough before you can make the cookies (done that). Go on. Have fun, be busy and be fan-friggen-tastic. If another opportunity for a blind date comes along, then take it. Maybe you could meet him that way. Or maybe you bump into him at the grocery store, the library or even the dump. You just never know. Keep on keepin' on.

Dotty

P.S. I'm curious as to what "intensive training" for Pokemon is. Does it involve playing all the kids at the local elementary school during recess? On weekends does he spend his precious time studying by watching reruns of Pokemon on PBS? Oh sigh... nothing makes me swoon more than seeing Pikachu take down his opponent. Don't worry, I totally looked up "Pokemon characters" on google to try and find names. It not only made me ashamed, but confused. Don't judge me.