Dotty,

My heart is all a flutter. I don't know how to control it. My palms are constantly sweaty, my heart bounces around like a ping pong ball and suddenly all I want to do is smile. I thought I experienced complete happiness when I found the perfect (yes..truly perfect) pair of heels, but that doesn't even compare to how I'm feeling. I think I may or may not have found the boy I may or may not end up marrying. But my judgements may or may not be a little off kilter given my current condition. I've met a boy. He is super. He is nice, smart, funny, handsome and has the kindest eyes I've ever seen. He is even a little exotic. He grew up in Alaska. How cool is that? No one lives in Alaska. he can probably skin a bear with his teeth. A week ago I was 110% confident that he was interested back, but now I'm not so sure. He was talking to me a lot and acting like he actually enjoyed it. He even texted me first! He stopped by my apartment the other day. but then one day a bunch of us were out somewhere and he talks to pretty much everyone BUT me. Correction... pretty much every girl. Maybe he is just real friendly. Maybe he mistook me for a sad, lonely girl with only her great shoe collection to keep her company. I try to remain calm in all situations, but usually my efforts are for naught. What in the world should I do? Do I just give up and distance myself? do I keep making an effort but stay subtle about it? do I go to the nearest shoe store and attempt to find another perfect pair of shoes to fill the void in my heart? Please respond immediately before I go completely insane.
Sincerely,
Head over High Heels

Hol-ee cow, child! You need to calm the heck down. I got a panic attack just reading the tale of your woes. I can't imagine what it must be like to actually be you. First I want to address your sweaty palms. Often times this is a clinical condition. A real quick trip to the doctor's and that can be sorted out. I had a boyfriend with sweaty palms once. It was like holding hands with a walrus. They are wet animals, right? Or was my ex-boyfriend with the handlebar mustache the walrus? oh gosh... now I'm confused. This is going to bug me, but I will try to get back on track. Second concern I have...perfect heels are like unicorns. They don't exist. Just like looking for a four leaf clover, you can look for hours on end to find "perfect" heels, but your efforts will not be rewarded. I'm sure shoes is not your major concern right now. I'm sure all you really care about is figuring out this boy conundrum. Let me be honest, as smart as I am I will never be able to fully solve a boy problem. I can't tell you what they are thinking. It is safe to say you can narrow it down to food, sports or gas, but even then you just have to guess. As for your particular boy...well that is a toughy. There are some people out there who are truly just kind souls. I love those kind of people. Maybe that is because I'm not one of them. At the same time, just because someone is kind doesn't mean they have to go out of their way to talk to you. Someone is kind because they don't punch an annoying person in the throat (I'm not speaking from personal experience). Someone is kind because they refrain from yelling at someone who cuts them off (okay, I'm totally justified on this one). Anyway, what I'm getting at is he kind of went out of his way to talk to you and then he kept talking to you. He could have said hello and then goodbye in 2 minutes and been on his merry way. Don't count this young chap out yet. You did just meet him like 2 hours ago. Maybe you just need to relax and take your time. What is up with all these pushy girls lately? You meet a boy and expect to fall in love and get married within a week. Just take deep breaths. Everything will be okay. I hope I was able to stop any major panic attack or coronary. Hey, you're a lot better off than some girls. You at least have a pile of shoes to drown your depression in.
Dotty

P.S. I was going to be nice and not talk about Alaska, but I would be letting a golden opportunity pass. Alaska is exotic... minus the whole exotic part. Just because he lives in a part of the world where there is a bigger population of fish than people does not mean he is exotic. It means he is lonely and anti social. Maybe you should try Ireland. They may drink like fish, but the accent and ginger locks of lovely hair is so worth it.