Dear Dotty,
So this year for Valentine's day my snuggly bear and I said we wouldn't exchange gifts. Imagine my surprise when I wake up and he really did get me nothing. There was no vase of red roses accenting our dining room table, no dinner at a restaurant, not even a singing card signed with X's and O's. When I said I didn't want anything I was talking about jewelry or clothes...you know, the big ticket items. I didn't tell him that I was upset, but I'm wondering if I should have... I mean, if he can't pick up my hints for a simple day like Valentine's then what can I expect on my birthday or Christmas? Valentine's day was just so depressing this year and I need to make sure next year's is better. What should I do?
Love,
Empty Valentine
Well, the first thing you should do is ditch that gag inducing pet name. If you called me "snuggly bear" I wouldn't buy you a present either. I had a "snuggly bear" once. I was five and he was a stuffed animal. Nothing takes the masculinity out of a man like being compared to a child's plush toy. Second thing you should do is give better hints. Or here is a crazy idea...just tell him what you want. It is a proven fact (not really, but I've proven it so it should count) that 10 times out of 10 when a hint is "dropped" the male party involved won't "pick" it up. He will let it drop to the ground and shatter while simultaneously watching the football game. The same game that you probably hinted that you didn't want him to watch. Men need to know the facts. Don't overwork their brains with hints. To give your guy credit though... I don't even think a trained FEmale could have picked up on your "hint". Mostly because it wasn't a hint. You said you weren't going to get anything for each other, so to the male brain the decision was made and required no more thought. Third thing you need to do is stop putting so much worth in this blasted holiday. Why is hearing the words "I love you" on this dreadful day better than any other? But then again, you did want a singing card. I'm pretty sure anyone who thinks a lame card singing "Let's Get it On" is romantic probably should celebrate this lame holiday.
Dotty Mae
P.S. Here is a list of manly, testosterone filled pet names
- Stud
- Stallion
- Manly Man
- Hulk
You get the drift... make sure to refrain from all food names. He wants to eat a cookie...not be referred to as one.
Dear Dotty,
Another year has come and gone and I have no Valentine to call my own. Not even the mail man took me up on my offer (it was a moment of desperation). I go to work and see the cubicles filled to the brim with flowers, lingerie and chocolate. I sit at my desk and immediatley the scent of roses fills my office. I try not to be sad, but it really is getting old. I was tempted to make up a valentine and send myself a stuffed animal, but that would have been just so pathetic. So what should I do? Do I just give up and accept my fate that I will never have a valentine? Or do I just keep telling myself that "maybe next year it will be different"?
Sincerely,
Lonely Valentine
Quick question...do people really send lingerie to people at the work place? I was actually hoping you were making that part up. If you're not, then that is just disgusting. It is common knowledge that if you see someone open lingerie then you are most likely going to picture them in it. Enough said about that though. Not having a valentine isn't the end of the world. Do you really want someone to tell you they love you with a giant monkey with "you make me bananas" written on it's chest? I think not. Secondly, roses are highly overrated. They are cliche and smell like old ladies that live in retirement communities. I think the best solution right now is to just breathe. Don't worry so much about "finding" a valentine. In fact, when you happen to just "run into" love, I hope it isn't on Valentine's day. Do you really want the day someone tells you how they feel about you to be a holiday where everyone else is doing it? Just sayin'.
Dotty
No comments:
Post a Comment