Lately there has been a common theme in some of the e-mails I've gotten. There have been a fair share on romance issues (gag). A few on health issues (the fact that I'm eating a pint of ice cream while writing this should explain exactly why I'm NOT responding to those). Then there are the ones on family drama. Oooh, my fave.

Here are a couple to trip your trigger:

Dear Dotty,

I love my little sister.. Seriously. Its just that lately... I don't know. I've wanted to, well for lack of better words, poke her face off. I know that sounds awful and rereading it I feel totally bad BUT I think you will totally feel for me. She is 6 years younger than me, gorgeous, funny and bright. We are living together right now and most of the time it is really fun, but lately it has taken a turn for the worst. There is this guy that lives next door. Major babe. Anyway, I think we were both into each other. I was putting out vibes and I think he was responding, but then my sister rolls along and suddenly I'm yesterday's meatloaf. He is infatuated with her. He never shuts up about her. She says she isn't interested and wouldn't date him if he asked because I liked him first, but I see the googley eyes she is pointing his way. So I am in a predicament. What should I do? Should I shun them both, just shun my sister, poke her face off, talk it out...what?! I really need some help here. It is pretty vital.
Thanks,
the Older Sister

Sis,

First let's get some things straight. When you say 6 years younger does that make her 10? Or do you just ACT like a 16 year old? Second of all, so you're mad at your sister because she is gorgeous, funny and bright? Does that mean you'd like her more if she were ugly, boring and stupid? Well, that sounds pretty shady. If I were her I would want to not only poke your face off, but put it back on and poke it off all over again. Harsh, I know, but that is why I'm here.

What I think you should do is shun the dude. No guy is worth A) going to jail for poking someone's face off or B) losing a sister. This guy probably thinks he can score with both of you, so you better set him straight immediately. Then you need to go and apologize to your sister because I'm sure you've been acting like a complete door knob lately. After you kiss and make up go and fork "Major Babe's" lawn and then eat a box of celebratory little debbie cakes.

Good Luck,
Dotty
P.S. Is TODAY's meatloaf any better than yesterdays? Just puttin' that out there.

Dear Dotty,

The time has come. After 3 months of putting it off, I finally have to take the boy home to meet the fam. I've been avoiding it, but I have run out of excuses. My sister can only have the "whooping cough" so many times before it stops being believable. Dotty, I'm mortified by the thought of taking him home. My mom is a tye dye making, peace loving, mumu wearing hippie. She lives off of pine nuts and natural remedies. My dad is an amateur clown who lives in his oversized shoes and rainbow wig. I can't even see my sister most of the time because of all the camo print she wears. She sits up in the tree most of the day looking down at her "enemies" waiting for the perfect moment to launch her water balloon grenades. I've told my guy about how "unique" my family is, but I can't bring myself to tell him just how NUTS they are. I'm used to my family, but to spring them all at once on some poor unexpecting soul is just cruel. What should I do?! Do I ask my family to tone it down or just warn him about the mess he has set himself up for?
Sincerely,
The Normal One

Dear Normal,

Umm... well...yikes. Well first, someone needs to break it to your mom that mumus look good on no one. Second, I don't even know where to start. I guess we should start with you. You probably should have been up front with your fella from the get go. Everyone has crazy family members (granted...not as crazy as yours), but we love them anyway. Just sit down and tell him exactly what he has to look forward(?) to: A hippie mom with hairy armpits (sorry if that's a wrong assumption...I usually put hippies and bad hygiene together), a Krusty the Clown dad and G.I. Jane sister. Next we can focus on the boyfriend. He loves you, he is dating you. Not your family. If he dumps you because of your family, then he is a butthead. As for your family, well, they are slightly crazy. That isn't always a bad thing though. Everyone knows it is the crazy relatives that make the family reunions memorable.
Good Luck,
Dotty
P.S. Does your dad do birthday parties? My nephew is having a birthday soon...